What is Attachment Parenting?
Attachment parenting (also called “natural parenting” or “instinctive parenting”) is an approach to parenting that has been practised widely for thousands of years. There has recently been a renewed interest in this approach to parenting in Western societies. Attachment parenting is based on the principle of understanding a child’s emotional and physical needs and responding sensitively to these needs. The focus of attachment parenting is on building a strong relationship between parents and child.
A strong and trusting relationship with your child can be developed by following your intuition; responding to your baby’s cries; “demand” breastfeeding for an extended period; carrying or “wearing” your baby; using gentle ways to help your baby sleep; co-sleeping with your baby and minimising separation from your baby during the first few years.
However, attachment parenting is not a set of rules and does not necessarily mean following all of the above. These practises simply help to develop a close, empathic relationship with your child in order to better understand your child’s needs and feelings. Children are not seen as manipulators who must be controlled. Attachment parenting extends beyond the early infant period and involves a life-long desire to know your child and to parent in an understanding and nurturing way.
What are the benefits of attachment parenting?
Attachment parenting:
- fosters a strong and trusting relationship with your child.
- increases your joy in the experience of parenting
- helps your child to become confident in themselves and able to form good relationships with others.
- develops your child’s sensitivity towards themselves and others. Children learn empathy and caring from parents who show empathy and caring.
- improves your child’s physical and intellectual development. Many aspects of attachment parenting such as breastfeeding; close physical contact and affection; and nurturing sleep practices have been shown to improve a child’s physical and intellectual development.
- makes discipline easier. Children that have a strong relationship with their parents are more easily disciplined because they trust what their parents say and want to please them.
What are some aspects of attachment parenting that help parents connect to their baby?
Following your intuition.
Follow your intuition rather than a strict set of rules about when to breastfeed or when to respond to a cry.
Learning to read and respond to your baby’s cries and “cues”.
Responding sensitively to your baby's cries and cues builds trust between babies and their parents. The more parents respond to their baby the more they learn about how to respond and the better the baby becomes at communicating her needs.
For more information about responding to your baby’s cries and cues go to:http://www.askdrsears.com.
Breastfeeding your baby for an extended period without schedule feeding (that is, extended breastfeeding “on demand”).
Breastfeeding helps you get to know your baby, provides the best nutrition for your baby, provides comfort for your baby, and creates a loving and nurturing bond between mother and baby. The Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA) recommends that babies are breastfeed exclusively for six months, with continuing breastfeeding for 2 years and beyond. For many mothers the experience of breastfeeding is not easy at first. Mothers who are not able to breastfeed can practise attachment parenting by holding their baby when feeding and feeding “on demand”.
For more information and support about breastfeeding go to the Australian Breastfeeding Association (ABA).
Using gentle ways to help your baby sleep.
Night-time parenting or responding to your baby’s needs at night is as important as your day-time parenting. Babies need to be “parented to sleep”, not just put to sleep. Some babies can be put down while drowsy yet still awake and drift. Other babies need parental help by being held and rocked or breastfed to sleep. Attachment parenting does not involve leaving your baby to cry alone in order to teach your baby how to “self-settle”.
For more information about gentle ways to teach your baby how to sleep see our linksand our list of useful books and publications
Co-sleeping with your baby (that is, your baby sleeps in your bed or in your bedroom close to your bed).
Sleeping close to your baby creates a secure and nurturing environment for your baby. This reduces your baby’s anxiety about separation from you. It also means that you can respond more quickly to your baby’s needs and minimise sleep disruption for you and your baby. Co-sleeping helps you get to know your baby. It also assists breastfeeding and helps you to develop a strong bond with your baby. It is common for babies to co-sleep with their parents for the first few years of their life. Babies who co-sleep with their parents do not have a higher risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS) or “cot-death”. In fact, co-sleeping reduces the risk of SIDS.
For more information about SIDS and how to co-sleep safely with your baby go toAttachment Parenting International (API).
Wearing your baby close to you, such as, in a sling or backpack.
Carrying or “wearing” your baby creates a safe and loving environment for your aby and fulfills his need for close physical contact. Babies cry less when worn or being held. Carrying or wearing your baby also helps you get to know your baby because your baby is so close to you.
See our links to for more information about slings and backpacks.
Minimising time away from your baby during the first few years of your baby’s life.
A strong bond is developed between a mother and her baby. Being together most of the time, helps develop this bond and helps support “demand” breastfeeding. With time, the mother understands more about her baby and her confidence in responding to her baby’s needs grows. Most babies will want their mothers quite frequently. This means that it may be difficult for a mother to be more than a few minutes away in the early period, which may include the whole of the first year of her baby’s life. Minimising the time you spend away from your baby in the early period will make breastfeeding easier and strengthening your attachment with your baby.
With time, the baby becomes less dependent on the mother and the baby’s needs will be fulfilled by other people the baby is strongly attached to, such as, the baby’s father or a grandparent.
Many aspects of attachment parenting are easier if a mother remains at home for the first few years of her baby’s life. However, for many women this situation may not be possible or desired. A mother can still practise attachment parenting and go back to work.
For more information about attachment parenting and returning to work see How can a mother return to work and practise attachment parenting?
Finding balance in your family life.
The early years in your baby’s life are the most intense and demanding for a family. However, it is possible to find a balance it which the needs of other family members are met without compromising the needs of your baby. You can still maintain a close relationship with your partner and your baby, especially if both parents nurture an attachment with the baby. Being mutually attached with their baby can bring the parents closer together. Communicating well with your partner and finding creative solutions to satisfying the needs of all family members will help to create balance in your family life.
Unrealistic expectations can also create stress in families. Parents, particularly with their first baby, may hold unrealistic expectations about their lifestyle; what they can achieve day-to-day; how much time they need with their partners without their child, and how much time they need to themselves without their child. Having realistic expectations and goals helps create balance with the inevitable change in your life. There is some loss but so much is to be gained through the joy of parenting. Try to focus on how important the nurturing and love you give your baby is and remember that this demanding period will pass.
The early years in your baby’s life are the most intense and demanding. The time when you carry your baby, breastfeed, and sleep with your baby in your bed lasts relatively a very short time. However, the love and nurturing your baby receives last her whole lifetime and will help to create a happier world.
Recommended Websites:
Attachment Parenting International - A nonprofit organisation with a mission to educate and support all parents in raising secure, joyful, and empathic children in order to strengthen families and create a more compassionate world.
www.attachmentparenting.com
Kellymom provides evidence-based information on breastfeeding, sleep and parenting.
http://www.kellymom.com/
Ask Dr. Sears
www.askdrsears.com - The Sears family coined the term “Attachment Parenting” and have put together a comprehensive site. They write as both parents and professionals (paediatrician, nurse, lactation consultant) and address many aspects of baby and childcare.
www.aaimhi.org.au – Australian Association for Infant Mental Health Inc (see Policies and Submissions)
mothering.com
www.kindredcommunity.com – Kindred Community articles and forum
www.naturalparenting.com.au – Natural Parenting articles and forum
www.npsydney.com.au – Natural Parenting in Sydney
www.our-emotional-health.com - Robin Grille is a psychologist and psychotherapist and author of the book Parenting for a Peaceful World and Heart to Heart Parenting.
www.pinky-mychild.com - Pinky McKay is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and Infant Massage Instructor and author of the books Parenting By Heart, 100 Ways To Calm The Crying and Sleeping Like a Baby. Her site contains articles and forums for parenting discussions.
www.sarahjbuckley.com - Dr Sarah J. Buckley, GP/family physician and author of the book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering. Her site contains a number of articles she has written about birth and parenting.
www.attachmentparentingdoctor.com - Dr Susan Markel, an American paediatrician supportive of Attachment Parenting.
(??) www.alternativebaby.net - An Australian site for Attachment Parenting support and information. Contains discussion forums, including forums for organising playgroups/meetings with other families.
www.naturalchild.org - Website of The Natural Child Project. Contains many articles about parenting by various authors.
www.tribalbaby.org - How would you raise your baby if you were in a tribe? Maven and family share their experiences of raising a nappy-free baby, sleep sharing, breastfeeding and baby-led eating.
www.rebozoway.org - Website of The Rebozo Way Project. Information about traditional parenting practices.
www.parentingscience.com - Website founded by Gwen Dewar, a biological anthropologist, exploring the scientific evidence supporting child rearing practices such as Attachment Parenting, from the perspective of anthropology, developmental psychology and cognitive and evolutionary science.
http://www.attachmentparenting.ca/ - A Canadian non-profit organization dedicated to providing parents, caregivers, and organizations, with support and current evidence-based information in order to make the best decisions for their parenting choices.
Schön, R. A. and Silvén, M. (2007). Natural parenting - Back to basics in infant care.Evolutionary Psychology, 5(1): 102-183.
Recommended Books:
Attachment Parenting: Instinctive Care for Your Baby and Young Child – Katie Allison Granju
The Attachment Parenting Book, by William & Martha Sears
Attached at the Heart: 8 Proven Parenting Principles for Raising Connected and Compassionate Children, by Barbara Nicholson an Lysa Parker, API Co-founders
Heart to Heart Parenting, by Robin Grille
Parenting for a Peaceful World, by Robin Grille
The Science of Parenting, by Margot Sutherland
Our Babies, Ourselves, by Meredith Small (link to review)
Why Love Matters: How Affection Shapes a Baby's Brain, by Sue Gerhardt
The Fussy Baby Book, Parenting Your High Need Child, by William & Martha Sears
The Natural Parent: Parenting from the Heart, by Jan Hunt
Baldwin Dancy R. You Are Your Child's First Teacher. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 1989.
Hunt J. The Natural Child: Parenting from the heart. Gabriola Island, BC, Canada: New Society Publishers, 2001.
Kurcinka MS. Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles. New York: HarperCollins, 2000.
Kurcinka MS. Raising Your Spirited Child. New York: HarperCollins, 1991.
Mailler CD, ed. Parenting From the Heart: Selected Articles from Motherwear's Magazine for Nurturing Families. Northampton, MA: Motherwear, Inc., 1996.
Palisi T. Loving Mama: Essays on natural parenting and motherhood. Tuscon, AZ: Hats Off Books, 2004.
Rosenberg MB. Raising Children Compassionately: Parenting the Nonviolent Communication Way. Encinitas, CA: Puddle Dancer Press, 2000.
Sears W. The Fussy Baby: How to bring out the best in your high-need child. New York: Signet, 1985.
Palmer, LF. Baby Matters: What your doctor may not tell you about caring for your baby. Lancaster, OH: Lucky Press, 2001.
Rapp D. Is This Your Child? Discovering and treating unrecognized allergies in children and adults. New York: William Morrow, 1991.
Sears W, Sears M. The Baby Book. Boston: Little, Brown and Company, 1993.
Shelov SP, ed. The American Academy of Pediatrics Caring For Your Baby and Young Child: Birth to Age 5, revised ed. New York: Bantam Books, 1993.
Holinger PC. What Babies Say Before They Can Talk: The nine signals infants use to express their feelings. New York: Fireside, 2003.
Klaus MH, Klaus PH. The Amazing Newborn: Making the most of the first weeks of life. Reading, MA: Addison-Wesley Publishing Company, 1985.
Pulaski MAS. Your Baby's Mind and How It Grows: Piaget's Theory for Parents. New York: Harper & Row, 1978.
Consistent and Loving Care
The Science of Parenting, by Margot Sunderland
Chapter Two (”Crying & Separations”) contains a section entitled “Separations and Time Apart.”
http://attachmentparenting.org/principles/care.php
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/faq/html/carefaq.php
